Brainiac Spammers

Among the vast panoply of e-mails that I receive promising the enhancement of certain body parts that I, as a woman, do not have, as well as medication ads to assist the enhancement of the aforementioned parts, there have also been headers with brilliant titles such as, "Thanks, we have accepted your debt request." Because, yes, I would actually contact a creditor and say, "you know, I'd really like more DEBT."

I mean, come on, if you are going to spam me, at least have the dignity to be CONVINCING!!!

In Memoriam: Madeleine L'Engle (1919-2007)

I was saddened to learn of the passing of Madeleine L'Engle last Thursday, and have been surprised at how little mention I've seen of it in the news. She was the first author to write of art, music, and faith that made sense to me, and I was introduced to her work at a time when I really needed people to help articulate the relationship of these in new ways. She was also one my earliest introductions to the Episcopal Church as well, and it's amazing to me how my attraction to her work was a precursor of future trajectories for me. Ms. L'Engle was also able to articulate emotional realities that I had perceived but never been able to voice, and I have often returned to her work to help me understand these better. She writes of both a desire for God and the struggle with disillusionment in the midst of seeking God without minimizing either. I am very grateful for her life and writings.

Ambiguity and Mysterious Freedom

"Someone once remarked that Christians live 'at the intersection of mysterious freedoms, God’s and our own.' And so we do. It is, within the sphere of our freedom, ours to inquire, to try to understand, to plan and to puzzle, all in the light of God’s freedom and grace." From "Study adds to understanding," National Catholic Reporter, September 30, 2005.

A sign of maturity is to be able to 'live with ambiguity.' Dr. David Scholer, paraphrased, from "'Rejoice always'" a lesson in dying," Los Angeles Times, June 5, 2007.

Ambiguity and mysterious freedom. These are phrases that, with reference to the Christian faith often make me squirm. I wish many things were spelled out more clearly. And, when some see these words they take it as permission/license to believe anything. But I think the idea that our efforts to understand our lives, our faith, our churches, are all undergirded by God's grace through Christ is the only hope that we have. I, for one, am glad that my salvation does not rest upon my ability to "get things right," however much I strive to. The more I learn, the more I realize I don't know. The more people I get to know and stories I hear, the more I realize how limited my own perspective is at times. How can any of us not approach questions of eternity and salvation with at least a modicum (hopefully more...) of humility?

Stunningly Relevant Article Series

This looks to be a pretty interesting exploration over the next year--I'm particularly interested in following it given the fact that I'm currently discerning whether or not to be ordained myself....


www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=12122596

Surprise! I'm Alive!

Okay, so I doubt that anyone even bothers to read this anymore, because I have let it gather dust for so long. That's just the kind of year it's been. But at least I just had a good time going back and reading my entries from a year ago; it's reminding me of how much can happen in just a short amount of time.

Since the last time I blogged here....

I DID settle on the internship at the Episcopal church. And it was transformational in ways whose ramifications I think I have only just begun to unpack. I have been a strong advocate of women clergy for over 15 years, but until now had never been in a church led by any. I had prioritized other things in looking for churches, I guess. I got so invested in focusing upon racial reconciliation that I didn't always notice that the ministries with which I was involved were always led by men. Seeking women out seemed kind of selfish at first, but the impact upon me has been seismic, and for the first time ever I really found clergy who I could relate to and be real with, and sort of envision myself as coming to resemble in some fashion. It's changed the way I preach and teach. It's the first time in a while that church attendance, or even possibly actual ministry, actually started looking attractive again.

I took my first shot at running the PdD gauntlet, learned a lot, hit some bumps and got bruised, but am reapproaching it slightly older, and hopefully with a modicum of additional wisdom. I've met some amazing people over the past year, and seen the mettle of my mentors/profs. tested as I've inundated them with questions and angst. And they still haven't given up on me somehow. Thanks, folks.

So this year is a transition year. I'm discovering that I'm simultaneously relieved to not be in school for the first time in six years, but that I also love teaching and mentoring students. Unfortunately, one doesn't earn any more as a TA than someone flipping burgers at In N' Out, so I will have to undergo the rigors of PhD studies to expand upon what I love doing. Which would be an absolutely joyful prospect if money were no issue and I had a limitless supply of energy and an ego made of teflon. So, it's a semi-joyful prospect. We'll see. Maybe I'll just go make music at the beach and hope people throw lots of dollar bills in my instrument case.

Hurricane Katrina as Litmus Test

I'm sure I'm saying things that have been said elsewhere in much more profound ways, but two things in particular have stood out to me in the midst of the Hurricane Katrina tragedy over the past week. The first is the impact of how events and people are described, and what that reveals about how media shapes public perception. Just take a look here to get a sense of what I'm talking about. The way that "loot" is used with reference to the actions of a black person and "find" is used with reference to a white person says a lot about implicit biases. This is a basically obvious point, but when you think about the cumulative effect of such verbage, much of which is not as readily caught, it explains a lot about why many people of European/Anglo descent think that their racism is just "how things are" rather than a perception they possess which has been shaped by larger systems.

The other thing that's driving me crazy right now is how much of the government response to the Hurricane Katrina disaster is motiviated by political narcisissm. Whatever concern there has been for those killed or displaced has been superceded by an ethos of "oh no, this will sully the administration's credibility and we won't get what we want as readily during our second term!" While I'm not exactly crazy about the Bush administration, I do have to say in fairness that I think this mentality would be happenning no matter what party was in office, but it does prove to be a litmus test of how much our national leadership is characterized by narcissism and self-interest as opposed to a more genuine type of concern.

In general, I see the same murmerings beginning that happened with 9/11; analysts, politicians, etc. took a genuinely horrific and tragic event that scarred the national consciousness and used the emotional power of it to politicize things. I'm simultaneously dreading seeing this happen again, and yet also want to see real justice or accountability come if rescue and recovery efforts for the Gulf were inadequate. And, I do think that issues of race and class always play into things more than we often like to admit, and those who feel that this is happening should be taken seriously. People who experience oppression in this country most often will be able to see things that the powerful cannot or will not see.

What Have I Been Doing With my Summer?

Well, obviously not blogging much! Anyone who actually takes a look at this will fall off their chair at the sight of something new. Sorry. Sometimes I just get writers' block or feel that there's a dearth of things to say.

I have been "gearing up" in a number of ways this summer, from actually working out trying to be healthier to studying for the GRE and reading up on liturgical theology/worship to get a bead on people with whom I'd like to do PhD studies. It is a really wonderful thing to do research on my own time table rather than one set by a syllabus, and actually soak in the info. rather than stuffing it down frantically. One of my favorite books thus far has been one co-written by Don and Emily Saliers called "A Song to Sing, a Life to Live." For those who don't know who these people are, Don is a professor of Theology and Worship at Emory University, and his daughter Emily is one of the "Indigo Girls." The premise of the book is there may not be as large a distance between "the music of Saturday night and the music of Sunday morning" as we might originally assume. Alongside this I've been reading Don's book Worship as Theology as well as a book called "Theologia Prima: What is Liturgical Theology?" by David Fagerberg, a prof. of Liturigcal Theology at Notre Dame.

One of the points that Fagerberg's book raises is that liturgical theology is "primary theology," i.e. it is done by "ordinary" church people and only secondarily reflected upon by academics. It is enacted and lived theology rather than simply "becoming" theology because someone with a lot of letters after their name decides to write a big lofty tome about it. This is a really refreshing concept, and I do not think it should apply only to liturgical studies, but to theology as an entire discipline. Some of Fagerberg's thoughts remind me of questions about "what is music?" as well. In other words, is music what is written on the page (secondary) or what is played and heard?

It's interesting to note (no pun intended...) that cadenzas in classical music were once entirely improvised but were later written down to be played verbitim. These days, in classical music one is expected to learn these same cadenzas exactly as written and play them straight from the page. Somehow, there is a tie here that I'm still working out. What was originally spontaneous (could one say "primary?") and arising from the first-hand experience/expression of the musician became canonized into a standard to which future musicians had to conform.

Just some thoughts arising from my readings thus far. Sorry if I lost everybody in abstruse musings.