Fishes, Loaves, and Spring Quarter

I kind of staggered into this quarter exhausted after a w0nderfully fascinating but rather grueling course load during the Winter. I didn't realize how spent I really was until I was discussing my schedule with one of my advisors and burst into tears as I considered what it would look like to implement it. That is generally not a good sign. And I hate crying in front of people. Bleah!

But what came out of that time was an image that continues to repeat itself throughout the quarter, so I think it's worth sharing. My advisor commented that it seemed like this quarter was one in which I would have to present my meager offerings of energy/mental wattage, or "fish and loaves," to God and trust that God would give me what I needed. [Note: operative word = trust. Not an area of competency for me at the moment...]

Now I have had two different classes meet this week where one of the fish and loaves passages from the Gospel of Mark has come up in depth, and I just noticed that the disciples of Jesus do not "get" him because they are so focused on their understanding of what is possible or not. When I am simply thinking about what I am capable of doing, I really do lose sight of trusting the God who can take little scraps of bread and fish and turn it into a feast for 5,000. It's simultaneously frustrating, educational, and encouraging to be in a position where your resources are running so thin that you are pressed into deeper dependence on God. You'd think God was actually wanting me to LEARN about being a disciple or something...